Luckily, Hollywood has been busy giving us plenty of reasons to pop open a tall boy or get the blender going (hey, we have to find money for all that AC somewhere, right?). Here are the worst things that happened in Tinseltown this week:

PBR Tallboy

Charlize Theron Just Made Us Painfully Aware of How Much More Fabulous She Is Than Everyone Else

The woman is rocking a buzzcut. A BUZZCUT. We put up with it when Demi Moore shave her head and still looked like a fox. We even made peace with the fact that Natalie Portman was even more beautiful without hair. But here's where we draw the line. How are we normal people supposed to live like this? Oh. We could not shave our heads? I guess that'll do. 

We Actually Liked the Dallas Reboot... and So Did Most of America

Don't tell our moms. Then we'll have to explain how much Jesse Metcalfe's shirtlessness had to do with it.

You Cannot Afford the Fabulous Clothes From The Great Gatsby

You want to know the number? Are you sure? I don't think you do. It's out of your price range. I guarantee it. But if you must, click and reveal the number at your own risk.

Homemade Blended Fruit Beverage With Vodka

Emily VanCamp and Josh Bowman Are Clearly Trying to Make Us Jealous

The Revenge real-life couple made out in public. On a beach. Looking svelt in their swimwear. You were probably in an office. Under fluorescent lights. When you saw the photo. Life is unfair. 

True Blood is Going to Be Even More Like The Vampire Diaries Because TV is Testing Us

How do we make America smarter? Force them to play a never ending game of whatever you call trying to decide what's different between two photos in the back of a Highlights magazine. 

We Spent Two Weeks Agonizing Over the Fate of Glass House and Everything is Going to Be Fine

Some of us (ahem) even read lengthy legal docs for (ahem) some other people. CBS, couldn't we have just accepted that TV audiences love reality shows and just got along in the first place?

Four Loko (If You Can Find It)

Lindsay Lohan Just Scared the S**t Out of Us

For approximately 15 minutes, the internet worried that Miss Lohan had seriously harmed herself. Luckily, it turns out she was just suffering from "exhaustion." Don't you do that to us again, Miss Lohan. Our little hearts can't handle it. 

One Mini-Sarah Palin, Comin' Right Up!

Apparently, Bristol Palin (Teen Mom: Politics Edition) wants to get into politics... just like her mother. Get ready to endure some serious parody, little lady. The only question is, who will Tina Fey appoint to play Bristol on SNL?

Game of Thrones Made Us Very Uncomfortable This Week

When it was revealed on a DVD commentary that they did, in fact, use a prosthetic head resembling former President George W. Bush to put on a spike next to Ned Stark's former cerebral center. 

There Still Isn't Enough... Exposure in The New Magic Mike Trailer

How are we supposed to get a real idea for the film if the cuts are so speedy? Oh, we have to actually see it? Well, let us prepare the Jackie O sunglasses, headscarves, and lengthy excuses for purchasing our matinee tickets like "I hear it's Matthew McConaughey's best acting in years" or "It's Joe Manganiello's breakout role!"