So much went on in last night's episode that I still legitimately have no idea what happened. 

Bonnie and Clyde of Prank Callers

The episode kicks off with breaking news of a bombing in Syria; Will simultaneously receives a phone call from his father — a call that later proves to be an emergency. 

We then find out that Sloan has gone all girls-gone-wild on us and is apparently in deep stew for having posed for some naked photos, which obviously were leaked. This is such an unrealistic subplot line on Sorkin's part. Sloan is way too smart for this; it's not believable that she would dilly dally in this nonsense. And the irony is that she even bought him the camera. These two were hooking up for the grand total of a day. 

A woman then calls the station claiming that her husband is trapped underneath the rubble in Syria. Then why is she calling a news station?! Oh, that's right, because it later turns out this call wasn't real. It was actually a prank call. Why in the actual hell is that a necessary part of the story line?

Tonight I Root for Your Failure

Twitter seems to be off the the hook on News Night. A woman tweeted about Will being a douche bag and somehow thats getting buzz on Twitter. Shocker. I'm sorry, I missed the memo on how this was at all related to the news. 

Somewhere in the background, a presidential election is going on. 

Righteous Daughters of Jihadi Excellence

This just in: Maggie's haircut was not her rock bottom. The good news: it looks like she ditched her Miranda from Sex in the City-inspired locks (that was such an eyesore). The bad news: she's gone completely bat s**t insane. 

Sloan and Dawn sit in a dark room together and attempt to be hipsters. Sloan also thinks she's the next Rudyard Kipling. Dawn even wears plaid for the occasion. Where the bong at?

Mackenzie jumps into girlfriend mode and sticks her nose where it doesn't belong by haranguing Will to call his sick father sooner than later. She then takes a gigantic crap on Neal for reporting even more pointless tweets. 

I Am One of the Sex People

Jim gets all uppity and judgmental trying to call Maggie out on her oh so hardcore party girl ways while they are waiting for the 911 call from the Trayvon Martin case to download. Yup, that news story is going on as well. She may be off her rocker but jeez, Jim, girls just wanna have fun. Hop off. He even twists the knife by calling her "unpleasant and volatile." Harsh, Tai. 

In other events, Mackenzie brings down the sledgehammer on a gay kid trying to come out on air. Please, Mackenzie, we're begging you to read even more hashtags out loud. It's just so melodious.

Will continues to keeps pretending that he actually cares whether viewers thinks he's an asshole or not. This trend in the episode is getting annoying. 

Bababooey Motherf**kers

Maggie couldn't handle the pre-game and messed up the 911 call. Words to the wise, three tequila shots maximum before work. 

Sloan realizes girls gone wild is not her thing and decides to go bad girls club instead. She crashes a big boy meeting of her ex hookup, assaults him and then takes a picture. Well played. Hopefully that's on Instagram. #nofilter

Stop trying to make Genoa happen. Honestly, no one cares. It's not even real. It was a glorious screw up on the part of the News Nightteam. A fact which we already knew from the first episode of this season. 

Will drops the bomb that his father has in fact been dead the whole time he's been on air and he freezes up on camera.